No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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