Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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