I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
