They have a pepper shaker for pot.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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