New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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