A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
