This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
