Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
