we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
