Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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