Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
