forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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