I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
