I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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