blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
