Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
