I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize