but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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