just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
