is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
