Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
