come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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