U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm passing your future prison.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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