Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
