I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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