I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
