went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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