I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He has the fingertips of a God
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
