god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
