i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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