Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
