how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
