im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
