So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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