I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
