You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
