Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
