I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
