you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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