in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize