It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
