everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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