oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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