I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
