Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
