Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
