420 ftw
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
