1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
