SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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