when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
