I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
