just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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