Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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