and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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