How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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