My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
