Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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