i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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