everyone is single if you try hard enough
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
