Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
