He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
