it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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