You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
