she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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