hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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