So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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