she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
