Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
