My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
