it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
