I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
