Don't you send me to vm
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
