I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
