she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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