I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
